This article was written, illustrated and acted by
Adejoro Olumofin, the Flamboyant Psychologist
and its features: @R4ruchynae Chukwueke Ruth
Ex Beauty Queen, Actress and Model. Most
Beautiful girl in Nigeria Amity 2010 , World Miss
University Nigeria (2nd runner up).
Relationships are full of ups and downs,
heartaches, emotional scars, phobia for love,
disappointments as a result of either the man or
the woman messing up or breaking rules/regimes
earlier set in the relationship I.e the terms which
kept the couple in check.
We all have different coping mechanisms for
dealing with heartbreak or emotional / physical
death in our relationship. According to couples
therapy you must be wiling to fight for what and
who you love without a concern of the world and
its audience. Breakups can be caused by 2 major
factors
(1) Emotional Disconnect
(2) Physical Disconnect.
-Emotional Disconnect: this is when all the pet
names, little jokes, special hand shakes and
other gestures of the "heart" are no longer
present. Emotional disconnect is very difficult to
rekindle because you can't see emotions or
sensations but only feel them. Very little of us
have control over what we feel.
-Physical Disconnect is the absolute or total loss
of physical attraction in a relationship. Most
times because someone in the relationship isn't
looking like how they used to or taking good
care of themselves anymore. A man may seek
counsel from his woman, give her all the money,
chanel, birkin bags but not still want to have sex
or any physical contact with her.
Studies, Journals and Direct Observation have
shown that it takes a big fight , breakup,
disagreement or long distance for either party to
realize what they lost or how much they really
loved their partner.
As a man, I have been there ; hurting someone I
cared about, enjoying attention from other ladies,
forgetting to appreciate or compliment all the
little things that I knew would make a
difference. All these things would easily drive
away the person we love into the arms of
another man. It takes nothing to acknowledge
your lady's hair, or that she added extra pepper
or salt in the stew or she wears less makeup of
recent.
Fellas, Here are 10 tips on how to get your Lady
back after an ( Emotional or Physical
Disconnect) /a breakup
1) Get Spiritual ( Fasting & Prayers)
2)Admission of Guilt and deflation of Ego
3)Apologize
4)Go out of your comfort zone
5)Treat her
6)Eliminate Distractions
7)Express your love through the Arts : Dancing,
Singing, Painting, Rapping etc
8)show or renew your commitment
9) Be persistent
10) have a plan or a vow to maintain everything
you've worked for.
1)Get Spiritual : Fasting & Prayer is very key in
getting your lady back. If you're truly serious
about a lady and you feel she's slipping away ;
the first thing to do is to pray and fast about
your situation. As corny, less of a guy or
feminine, as it may sound its a fact and it's the
right thing to do. In most guys prayer points is :
money, money and a lot of money. Only few men
get on their knees to say " Father Lord please
touch Tinu, Kemi, Ada's heart so she loves me
more or Please Lord beg her to forgive me I
promise to treat her right this time". Any
relationship that has its foundations set on
Prayers will last forever. Here are some Bible
passages to read or share with your lady that
will help or let her know how serious you are
about getting her back or being sorry.
-Ecclesiastes 4 : 9 - two are better than one
because they have a good reward for their toil
-Ephesians 4:32 ,Colossians 3:12-14 , 1peter 3:7 ,
Genesis 2:18 Philippians 2:2,
2)Admitting to guilt and Deflation of Ego :
Sigmund Freud propounded these concepts( Id ,
Ego & Super Ego) which in his theory were the
foundations of people / persona. The male Ego
has its benefits and it's what makes a man
strong, aggressive and more of a go getter in life
but at the same time is responsible for a mans
downfall and loss of important things to him
such as love. The Ego clouds a mans judgement
and makes him liken himself to a "god" or too
close to perfection. Any man who takes a Big
Ego into his relationship is not looking for a
partner but a subordinate. Admitting to guilt
goes a long way with your lady, as African men
our culture allows us to dominate or play the
role of Alpha in our relationships, if your lady
kneels down to serve you food or can't sit at the
dinner table with you how would you value her
thoughts or admit to guilt. Let's be lovers and
partners not lovers and bosses.
(3)Apologize :
The Process by which we try to control the
Impressions, Perceptions and views people have
of us is called Impression Management (IM).
Apology is at the forefront of impression
management. Most times it's very economical
and stress-free just to say " I'm sorry"
But as men we try so hard to always be right
and keep our ego in check so we don't say "
sorry" instead we look for ways to say sorry
without saying sorry. I offended you "oya" take
this new phone or new bag, I cheated on you
"oya" let's go to Paris for summer, or the most
famous one " are you hungry?" You cheated and
you're asking your girl if she's hungry? We men.
Lol
This only compounds the current issues for
another day whilst negative perceptions and
archetypes are being formed in your lady's mind.
(4)
Eliminate Distractions : suspend your instagram,
facebook and Twitter account, Sunday drinks,
clubbing etc till you get her back. How do you
truly want to apologize to your lady when you're
distracted with other women or social activities.
The more you go out without her or socialize
without her the more justification you'll get from
other people about what you did not being
wrong. When distractions are present you'll see
your breakup as a vacation or time off from your
relationship. You'd even wish the fight lasted
longer so you could mingle or conquest more.
Some men are happy when they're fighting with
their girl because they can claim to have cheated
during the fight. Eg "we weren't together when it
happened"
(6) Be Persistent:
Positive and Negative reinforcements In
psychology are the foundations of learning. They
serve as rewards, punishments and reminders of
what to do and what not to do.
Some Nigerian guys will be like: " shebi I've
begged you ? What's your own sef? You want me
to spend all my time begging, abeg go"
Women enjoy being chased, doted over,
pampered, wooed after a mistake has been made
and an apology has been offered don't say I took
you to dinner once let's be cool again.
Persistence and patience are key. This is her
chance to show you I'm the Boss and I won't be
taking you back so easy.
(7) show or renew your commitment :
Why do a lot ladies leave a relationship after
their feelings have been hurt? Or things aren't
moving in their way? Studies have shown that
these are a few of those reasons
I) trust is lost
II) there's no moving forward from here
III) he won't change
Iv) I'm wasting my mind and body
V) he'll never leave that SideChick
Showing a new commitment gets old after 3 or 4
mistakes, will you go and buy a chain? Promise
ring? Pendant? every time you cheat?? New
commitments, vows, promises come once in a
while and should be from the heart.
Some Men have an attachment syndrome with
ladies they are involved with, they sometimes
keep a lady around or beg a lady not to leave,
buy her promise rings or engagements rings
when they know they don't have plans for her.
They don't have plans for her but don't want to
see her with anyone else.
Showing commitment can be seen as renewing
your rent or dstv!. proposing or asking your girl
out again shows I want you and I want us to
start fresh. It's like you're changing the oil in
your car
(8) Treat her :
-Would you believe the Hypothesis that Nigerian
men are more romantic than South African men?
-Nigerian men spoil their women more than
westerners?
-Do Nigerian men write poems or sing to their
ladies?
-Will a Nigerian man willingly wear matching
colors on Valentine's Day with his girl?
-will a Nigerian give his lady his password for
peace and love?
These studies haven't been carried out but we
can make assertions or predictions of the
possible outcomes of this research.
Some men see treating their lady as a burden,
Valentine's Day as nightmare, roses as a waste.
A personal story : " a friend of mine once bought
her boyfriend of 2 years 2 dozen roses and he
got so upset saying can we plant or eat this?
What am I going to use this for? You should
have bought me recharge cards instead or paid
for the wifi"
A man with this mentality won't know how to
treat his lady when she's upset. Most African
men show love or care through strength or
aggression.
(9) Go out of your comfort zone to apologize:
Every woman knows what her man Hates and
favors, likes and dislikes, does and
don'ts. Going out of your comfort zone to show
your remorse goes a long way and shows how
selfless you are.
You live in Lekki and your girl lives in iju/ ogba/
Maryland and you're fighting but instead of
going to her house to say sorry you're thinking
3rd mainland bridge traffic? Petrol? Premiership
match you may miss ;then you're not sorry.
Saying sorry via four naira text message doesn't
count.
Do something that will dazzle her in your quest
to get her back.
10)
Have a plan, vow or a schema to maintain
everything you worked for :
Tips 1-9 are all said and good but to some
people,this is unrealistic for the men in their
clime I.e Nigerian men
All the sorries, gifts, flowers, chocolates, private
trips won't do anything if there's no plan or
commitment not to repeat the previous mistakes.
Ladies I think I'm sorry shouldn't be enough
anymore only if it's an " I'm sorry" with a plan to
try to stay away From previous mistakes.
Adejoro Olumofin, the Flamboyant Psychologist
and its features: @R4ruchynae Chukwueke Ruth
Ex Beauty Queen, Actress and Model. Most
Beautiful girl in Nigeria Amity 2010 , World Miss
University Nigeria (2nd runner up).
Relationships are full of ups and downs,
heartaches, emotional scars, phobia for love,
disappointments as a result of either the man or
the woman messing up or breaking rules/regimes
earlier set in the relationship I.e the terms which
kept the couple in check.
We all have different coping mechanisms for
dealing with heartbreak or emotional / physical
death in our relationship. According to couples
therapy you must be wiling to fight for what and
who you love without a concern of the world and
its audience. Breakups can be caused by 2 major
factors
(1) Emotional Disconnect
(2) Physical Disconnect.
-Emotional Disconnect: this is when all the pet
names, little jokes, special hand shakes and
other gestures of the "heart" are no longer
present. Emotional disconnect is very difficult to
rekindle because you can't see emotions or
sensations but only feel them. Very little of us
have control over what we feel.
-Physical Disconnect is the absolute or total loss
of physical attraction in a relationship. Most
times because someone in the relationship isn't
looking like how they used to or taking good
care of themselves anymore. A man may seek
counsel from his woman, give her all the money,
chanel, birkin bags but not still want to have sex
or any physical contact with her.
Studies, Journals and Direct Observation have
shown that it takes a big fight , breakup,
disagreement or long distance for either party to
realize what they lost or how much they really
loved their partner.
As a man, I have been there ; hurting someone I
cared about, enjoying attention from other ladies,
forgetting to appreciate or compliment all the
little things that I knew would make a
difference. All these things would easily drive
away the person we love into the arms of
another man. It takes nothing to acknowledge
your lady's hair, or that she added extra pepper
or salt in the stew or she wears less makeup of
recent.
Fellas, Here are 10 tips on how to get your Lady
back after an ( Emotional or Physical
Disconnect) /a breakup
1) Get Spiritual ( Fasting & Prayers)
2)Admission of Guilt and deflation of Ego
3)Apologize
4)Go out of your comfort zone
5)Treat her
6)Eliminate Distractions
7)Express your love through the Arts : Dancing,
Singing, Painting, Rapping etc
8)show or renew your commitment
9) Be persistent
10) have a plan or a vow to maintain everything
you've worked for.
1)Get Spiritual : Fasting & Prayer is very key in
getting your lady back. If you're truly serious
about a lady and you feel she's slipping away ;
the first thing to do is to pray and fast about
your situation. As corny, less of a guy or
feminine, as it may sound its a fact and it's the
right thing to do. In most guys prayer points is :
money, money and a lot of money. Only few men
get on their knees to say " Father Lord please
touch Tinu, Kemi, Ada's heart so she loves me
more or Please Lord beg her to forgive me I
promise to treat her right this time". Any
relationship that has its foundations set on
Prayers will last forever. Here are some Bible
passages to read or share with your lady that
will help or let her know how serious you are
about getting her back or being sorry.
-Ecclesiastes 4 : 9 - two are better than one
because they have a good reward for their toil
-Ephesians 4:32 ,Colossians 3:12-14 , 1peter 3:7 ,
Genesis 2:18 Philippians 2:2,
2)Admitting to guilt and Deflation of Ego :
Sigmund Freud propounded these concepts( Id ,
Ego & Super Ego) which in his theory were the
foundations of people / persona. The male Ego
has its benefits and it's what makes a man
strong, aggressive and more of a go getter in life
but at the same time is responsible for a mans
downfall and loss of important things to him
such as love. The Ego clouds a mans judgement
and makes him liken himself to a "god" or too
close to perfection. Any man who takes a Big
Ego into his relationship is not looking for a
partner but a subordinate. Admitting to guilt
goes a long way with your lady, as African men
our culture allows us to dominate or play the
role of Alpha in our relationships, if your lady
kneels down to serve you food or can't sit at the
dinner table with you how would you value her
thoughts or admit to guilt. Let's be lovers and
partners not lovers and bosses.
(3)Apologize :
The Process by which we try to control the
Impressions, Perceptions and views people have
of us is called Impression Management (IM).
Apology is at the forefront of impression
management. Most times it's very economical
and stress-free just to say " I'm sorry"
But as men we try so hard to always be right
and keep our ego in check so we don't say "
sorry" instead we look for ways to say sorry
without saying sorry. I offended you "oya" take
this new phone or new bag, I cheated on you
"oya" let's go to Paris for summer, or the most
famous one " are you hungry?" You cheated and
you're asking your girl if she's hungry? We men.
Lol
This only compounds the current issues for
another day whilst negative perceptions and
archetypes are being formed in your lady's mind.
(4)
Eliminate Distractions : suspend your instagram,
facebook and Twitter account, Sunday drinks,
clubbing etc till you get her back. How do you
truly want to apologize to your lady when you're
distracted with other women or social activities.
The more you go out without her or socialize
without her the more justification you'll get from
other people about what you did not being
wrong. When distractions are present you'll see
your breakup as a vacation or time off from your
relationship. You'd even wish the fight lasted
longer so you could mingle or conquest more.
Some men are happy when they're fighting with
their girl because they can claim to have cheated
during the fight. Eg "we weren't together when it
happened"
(6) Be Persistent:
Positive and Negative reinforcements In
psychology are the foundations of learning. They
serve as rewards, punishments and reminders of
what to do and what not to do.
Some Nigerian guys will be like: " shebi I've
begged you ? What's your own sef? You want me
to spend all my time begging, abeg go"
Women enjoy being chased, doted over,
pampered, wooed after a mistake has been made
and an apology has been offered don't say I took
you to dinner once let's be cool again.
Persistence and patience are key. This is her
chance to show you I'm the Boss and I won't be
taking you back so easy.
(7) show or renew your commitment :
Why do a lot ladies leave a relationship after
their feelings have been hurt? Or things aren't
moving in their way? Studies have shown that
these are a few of those reasons
I) trust is lost
II) there's no moving forward from here
III) he won't change
Iv) I'm wasting my mind and body
V) he'll never leave that SideChick
Showing a new commitment gets old after 3 or 4
mistakes, will you go and buy a chain? Promise
ring? Pendant? every time you cheat?? New
commitments, vows, promises come once in a
while and should be from the heart.
Some Men have an attachment syndrome with
ladies they are involved with, they sometimes
keep a lady around or beg a lady not to leave,
buy her promise rings or engagements rings
when they know they don't have plans for her.
They don't have plans for her but don't want to
see her with anyone else.
Showing commitment can be seen as renewing
your rent or dstv!. proposing or asking your girl
out again shows I want you and I want us to
start fresh. It's like you're changing the oil in
your car
(8) Treat her :
-Would you believe the Hypothesis that Nigerian
men are more romantic than South African men?
-Nigerian men spoil their women more than
westerners?
-Do Nigerian men write poems or sing to their
ladies?
-Will a Nigerian man willingly wear matching
colors on Valentine's Day with his girl?
-will a Nigerian give his lady his password for
peace and love?
These studies haven't been carried out but we
can make assertions or predictions of the
possible outcomes of this research.
Some men see treating their lady as a burden,
Valentine's Day as nightmare, roses as a waste.
A personal story : " a friend of mine once bought
her boyfriend of 2 years 2 dozen roses and he
got so upset saying can we plant or eat this?
What am I going to use this for? You should
have bought me recharge cards instead or paid
for the wifi"
A man with this mentality won't know how to
treat his lady when she's upset. Most African
men show love or care through strength or
aggression.
(9) Go out of your comfort zone to apologize:
Every woman knows what her man Hates and
favors, likes and dislikes, does and
don'ts. Going out of your comfort zone to show
your remorse goes a long way and shows how
selfless you are.
You live in Lekki and your girl lives in iju/ ogba/
Maryland and you're fighting but instead of
going to her house to say sorry you're thinking
3rd mainland bridge traffic? Petrol? Premiership
match you may miss ;then you're not sorry.
Saying sorry via four naira text message doesn't
count.
Do something that will dazzle her in your quest
to get her back.
10)
Have a plan, vow or a schema to maintain
everything you worked for :
Tips 1-9 are all said and good but to some
people,this is unrealistic for the men in their
clime I.e Nigerian men
All the sorries, gifts, flowers, chocolates, private
trips won't do anything if there's no plan or
commitment not to repeat the previous mistakes.
Ladies I think I'm sorry shouldn't be enough
anymore only if it's an " I'm sorry" with a plan to
try to stay away From previous mistakes.
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